UNCHARTED TERRITORY

I have always hated those girls that let their boy toys treat them like crap and then just keep crawling back... but i think i might have done just that. =/ So TJ was treating me like crap and i was just taking it but then i was like you know what i am sick of this so i wrote him this big LONG message about how not everything was my fault and that he needed to grow up and all this and he was like i forgive you so i kinda calmed back down and was nice again and then he started walkin all over me again so i flipped again and i was like you know what if you dont want to talk to me then DONT! I dont waste time and if you are just going to waste my time then dont! if you want to talk to me then i will gladly talk to you if you dont it really doesnt make a difference to me! and he gave me all this crap about how i just kept bugging me about it and that set me off! i was like well yea i would like to talk to you but i dont see a point in wasting mine and your time so if you dont wanna talk to me then dont! and he was like i want to talk to you and i was like WHATEVER! i mean i didnt let him walk all over me but now i feel like i have to have my guard up to keep from getting hurt again which SUCKS but you know I MANAGE! haha

So I want a fun new adventure! i mean i like the "Summer '08 Adventure." but i mean i want something new and fun that i have never seen before to come along i mean that is really what life is about is the new parts coming together to make up the general sense of your life. i just wish the next part of my life would come. I really dont feel like i am growning up at all! haha i know i know dont try to grow up to fast but i dont like getting to the age where i am having money and other oppertunities and not bein able to do anything about them cuz I AM TO YOUNG! haha

So i have been thinkin about my LACK in the spirituality department... i have decided that it is because other people lack in the spirituality department. i mean i have teachers that are lacking a great spirit or a great opinion on the gospel and i mean if you dont have an opion on this whole thing then how can you teach other people about it. it like trying to convince someone of something that you dont believe... it DOESNT WORK! haha i mean i really like those teachers that bare their testimony after they teach because then it makes you realize that they really practice what they preach because isnt that really what this religion is all about? so i figure if you dont believe it dont teach it because then no one else will believe it either. So i decided that if i am bein a critic of other people then why not do it to myself? i dont read my scriptures every day i forget to pray every morning and every night i mean im only human... i decided to work on that this summer.

NEW GOALS! i think you might like these ones!!!

#1. Not lose sight of WHO I AM and WHAT I BELIEVE. that has been a very big struggle this year and i dont want it to even be a thought in anyones mind next year!

#2. Grow closer to my brother. I mean its not going to be easy but i always talk about how great he is and i dont even have a really good idea of who he is! and i look up to him A LOT so i feel that i should know him WAY better!

#3. Be a better influence. Amanda has a lot of good influences... and i want to be another one.

#4. NOT make my whole summer about boys. I am soo sick of people asking me whats new and the only thing i have to tell them is about boys! Boys are A PART of my summer and that is what they will stay! No longer will this be the summer of boys... if anything it is the summer of tanning!

#5. Finding Myself. I mean that is what we are here to do so why not make this summer about that. I want to try new things and find out who i really am because i am tired of not knowing and i want to start figuring it out.

thats all i have for now but im sure there will be more later on! haha you know me... ALWAYS CHANGING MY MIND! well this time i do have helpful adivce that might make you feel better.

here it is. SMILE. Smiles are contagious so give yours to someone else. Remember that god works through you and you smiling at someone could change their whole day for the better! so i want you to SMILE everyday... and think of me while you are doing it.